i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
