I cannot find my penis.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
