does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
