I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
