You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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