yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
