i need an iv and a liver transplant
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
