The brown eye won't let me do that either.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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