I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
