Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
