I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
