my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
