I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
