i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
