so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
