She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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