I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
