Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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