Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
