well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
