$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
