i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
look no pants
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Alive.
So much puke
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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