Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
