Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
