you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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