Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Too much gin, very little bucket
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
