Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
