Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
