I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Randomize
