Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
