she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
