My hair reeks of homosexuality.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
