There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Randomize
