Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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