Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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