11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize
