I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
he's single and there are thong briefs.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
