Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
