is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
