There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
