I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
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