eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
