Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
