I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I want a musical about memes.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
