Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
We're too hungover to prance.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
