So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
