Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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