Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
