mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Randomize
