Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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