she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
