My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
