Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
