can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Randomize
