i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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